Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
