and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
