I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
