NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
