Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
