so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
