Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the day after is always just damage control
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
