he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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