And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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