Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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