Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
