it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
false alarm, still single
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