I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
