yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just forgot I was standing up.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
