why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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