Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
