The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
