Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
