Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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