I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
