remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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