and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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