Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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