Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
