what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
