I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
