Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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