i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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