My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
