Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
