talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
