You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
