I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
