So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
