There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Randomize
