shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
