Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
