there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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