So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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