Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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