I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
