Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
