too bad you live with your parents still
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
