She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
my poor anus
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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