how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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