Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
