it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
