i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
