He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
