Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
