oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize