fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
