yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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