Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
