Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
