I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
