You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
