Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
