he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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