the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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