how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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