i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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