his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
