She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize