What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
