In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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