Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
