Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
