It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
