She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
